Wisdom With Age
by HanSoloIsSoCute
Summary: Han, Leia, Luke, and Chewie are all much older now. They can barely remain upright without walking sticks! They try to pull it together for one more mission.
1. Chapter 1

'Wisdom With Age'

by Jasmine Larson

Title: Wisdom With Age

Author: Jasmine Larson

Genre: Humor

Time Frame: Near fifty years after ROFTJ

Summary: Han, Leia, Luke, and Chewie are all much older now. They can barely remain upright without walking sticks! They try to pull it together for one more mission.

Han Solo shifted in his wheelchair. So what if he was getting older, he still had it. He looked over at Leia who was busy knitting and grinned. "I feel ambitious today, sweetheart," Han said, "I think I will go and get my dentures _myself_!"

Han hopped up with vigor and promptly popped out his knee. "Ouch!" Han cried and clutched his knee. "Everytime I do that it--ouch!--it, it hurts me."

"Well, then don't do that, dear." Leia said with a satisfied smirk. "Next time have C-3po do it for you."

"Oh, _DEAR_!" cried the before mentioned robot. He grumbled as he looked about for Han's dentures."I seem to be made to suffer, it's my lot in life. It's not a lot, but it's my life!"

Shudup.Chewie mumbled from behind his newspaper.

"Ouch!" Leia cried as she pricked her finger on her knitting needle. "Everytime I do that it--OUCH!--it hurts me."

Han sighed and looked for a newspaper. "Hey Chewie do you mind if I...?" Han asked as he snatched Chewie's newspaper.

Moocher. the overgrown teddy bear growled.

Han sat back content as he shuffled through the newspaper. Luke hobbled (with help from his cane) into the Solo's overly cluttered living room.

"Well, I wonder what's going on in the galaxy today," he said as he snatched Han's newspaper.

Han growled. "No fair, moocher."

Luke happily began shuffling through the newspaper in search of the comics. "Oh, GOODIE!" He exclaimed. "Garfield!" he settled down (in Han's favorite chair) to read for hours.

"Han, you have something in your teeth." Leia said.

Han took them out to see what it was. He began to pick his 'teeth' and whistle (which was not the easiest thing in the galaxy without teeth).

"Oh, LOOK!" Luke yelled much louder then anyone would think an 80 year old guy could.

Han sighed. "What did Blondie do now?"

"No, no. There is trouble in the galaxy and we are needed once again!" Luke said between wheezes.

Leia exploded with laughter. "US? What is there, a knitting crisis?" She gasped before she dissolved into giggles once more.

"Great," Han muttered as he fitted his dentures in place. "and I don't even know how to knit."

Luke was jumping up and down now yelling: "They need us! They need us! We can't let them down!"

"Wait a minute," Han said, "it really _IS_ a knitting crisis?"

Luke was getting mad now. They could tell because he was now unmistakably turning red and swinging his arms around in the air. "NO, NO, NO!" he yelled like a 5-year-old who wasn't getting what hewanted. "The galaxy has a new villan! Her name is---Fee Fee the Mutant!"

**Dun Dun Dun**

"I'm hungry." Han said matter-of-factly.

Leia rolled her eyes. "Again? I just fed you."

"Well, I don't like bran muffins!" Han cried indignantly.

Leia looked hurt. "But, but, you used to like them..."

Han sighed. "Yeah, before I LIVED on them!"

"SHUDUP!" Luke screamed.

Needless to say he had their attention.

"Now, we are going to save the galaxy and defeat Fee Fee the Mutant!"

End Of Chapter One


	2. Chapter 2

Han sat uncomfortablely in his cockpit seat. _I used to fit in this thing..._ Han thought to himself.

"Why are we doing this anyway?" he asked Chewie who was sitting beside him still buried in the newspaper.

/Look/ Chewie exclaimed. /Whoopie cushions are on sale/

"Chewie..." Han sighed.

/Oh, um, yeah. Why are we doing this? Because Luke threatened to turn blue and faint if we didn't./

"Oh, yeah." Han said.

Leia walked in. Leia popped out _her_ knee. "Ouch!" she yelled.

Han smirked. There was a day when he would have jumped up to see if she was ok, but now he was too afraid of popping out his _own_ knee. She walked half bent over to her seat and plopped down. She whipped out her knitting.

Luke walked(well, hobbled)in.

"I hear that Jacon married Alice last week. They looked so happy, he does _everything _for her!" Luke said as he snatched the newspaper and sat down.

Leia kicked Han."You jerk! You don't even open the door for me anymore." she growled.

"Well," Han said as he rubbed his leg(the one she kicked), "_You _don't even feed me anymore!"

"Sure I do!" Leia yelled. 'What do you call all those bran muffins!"

"Prison slop." Han said under his breath as he bent down to rub his leg again.

"Well," Luke said, a little too cheerfully, "we are off on another fun filled adventure!"

Han grumbled. "This time couldn't they have done it without _me_?" he winced as Leia popped her knee back in place with a loud _SNAP_!

"Well, we're off." Han said as he downloaded the coordinates from the nave computer to make the jump to light speed. Then everything flashed in white and blue light and they rocketed of the stupid rock.

End Of Chapter Two


	3. Chapter 3

"Well, we're here. Wherever 'here' is." Han said with disgust. "Oh well, I've still got it"  
Chewie chuckled. /You may still have it, but no one wants to see it/

"Say," Leia said, "what is this Fee Fee the Mutant doing anyway"  
"Mutating." Luke stated.

DUN DUN DUN

"Mutating _what_?" Han asked as he landed his hunk of junk on the planet that Fee Fee the Mutant was apparently wreaking havoc on at the moment.  
"Everybody." Luke said matter-of-factly.

DUN DUN DUN

"WHERE IS THAT STUPID MUSIC COMING FROM!" Han yelled.  
"Sorry." C-3po said from the supply closet.  
"And I thought locking him up would shut him up," Han mused.  
"Well, let's go see how we can stop Fee Fee the Mutant." Leia sighed.  
/Say/ Chewie said/how are we going to change the people back who have already been mutated/  
"Bad luck for them." Han chuckled. "Everyone is all old now anyway."  
"But what about the people who still look good?" Luke asked innocently enough.  
"I'd like to shoot them just _for_ looking good." Han growled.  
Leia smiled. "Han, if you are still jealous of how good I look you would look better if you would eat your bran muffins---"  
/Shudup/ Chewie growled as he snatched the newspaper/_both_ of you./

Luke pouted. "Can't we just go save the galaxy? PLUUULEASE?"

"Why?" Han asked.  
"Because if we don't people are going to be turned into mutants!" Leia shouted.  
"Better them then _me_!" Han bellowed as he jerked a thumb at his chest. In doing so he popped out his thumb.

"OW!" Han yelled and began sucking on his thumb.  
"Oh, really." Leia sighed.

"It hurts!" Han cried. But with his thumb in his mouth it sounded more like'It hworts.  
"Oh, let me see." Leia said as she yanked his thumb out of his mouth thus popping out his elbow.  
"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Han cried.  
"Hmmmmm." Leia mumbled as she looked at his hand. She twisted once and---SNAP!...SNAP! SNAP SNAP!...POP!

"There you are sweety!" She said as she kissed him on the cheek thus popping out his jaw.  
"OW!" Han screamed.  
"Oh, I'm sorry!" Leia said as she leaned forward to look at his jaw.  
"NO! NO!" Han yelled. "Don't help me!" Han grimaced as he felt his jaw(which was now at a slightly odd angle).

Chewie sighed. Chewie got up and took Han's head in both paws and turned violently. SNAP! CRACKLE!  
POP!  
"Thanks man," Han said as he rubbed his fitted in place jaw.  
/Don't mention it./ Chewie said. But he thought to himself/Boy that felt good! I've always wanted to do that.../

End Of Chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

"Boy, we must be getting really old," Han mused as he slouched in his pilot seat. "I mean, it's chapter 4 and we haven't even gotten out of the ship yet."

"Well, I guess we should be going." Leia said as she continued to knit.  
"Hey," Han said, "you've been knitting for over 30 years now, what are you making?"  
"A blanket for the ship." she said matter-of-factly.  
Han bellowed with laughter. "You're kidding!" Han stopped laughing. "Right?"  
Leia looked surprised. "No, what do you think of purple on yellow?" she asked as she held out the cloth for him to examine.  
"Let's get out of here." Han said as he (carefully) got up and left the ship.

Later as they wandered the planet...

The four companions heard a piercing yell. It sounded like what a chicken would if it's foot was stepped on.  
"Let's go see what's wrong." said Luke who clutched his cane for dear life.  
"Got nuthin' better to do." Han stated.

They made their way through the crowd and saw what none them had ever dreamed(well, ok maybe some of them had had nightmares about it) to see. A 12 foot tall chicken. With white, mangled, dirty feathers and an earing. The thing stood head and shoulders above everything. Venom dripped from it beak. "Um, is there, uh, a problem, uh, ma'am?" Han asked meekly.  
/YOU BET THERE IS FLY-BOY/ it screeched. Han had just noticed the huge gun that it held in one wing.

/THAT JERK DOWN THERE STEPPED ON MY FOOT/ the angry chicken stabbed a feather covered finger in the direction of a smug looking teenager.

"Well, she was going to mutate me!" the boy shouted.  
/WAS NOT/ the chicken yelled.  
"WERE TOO!" the boy yelled back.  
/WAS NOT/  
"WERE TOO!"  
/SHUDUP/ bellowed the unmistakable voice of Chewie.  
They shutup.  
"Who are you?" Han asked the enraged chicken.  
/I, you stupid little excuse of a bug, am FEE FEE THE MUTANT/

**Dun Dun Dun**

"Cut that out goldenrod!" Han yelled in the direction of the offending robot.  
"Sorry."

/Anyway, now that I have been offended be this little flyboy I shall turn him into a mutant!  
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...is that enough evil laughing/ The bolt from her mutant gun penetrated Han's chest. Nothing happened.

"Sorry," Leia said, "but he's already as ugly as he's going to get"

Han attempted to do his chararistic shrug but he popped out his shoulder.  
_Oh well,_ Han thought, _I'll just smirk._ However, in trying to do so his dentures fell out. Han scrambled around trying to find them. He couldn't find them, because he was half-blind. As he was doing this Luke jumped out from behind them, lightsaber ready. He did a Jedi flip and began to battle furiously with the chicken(who was having no trouble slapping him out of her way). Luke grabbed a rope and flung it around her neck. He proudly began to drag her away.

"Ya' gonna take her to jail?" asked Han, who had found his dentures.  
"Nope, she is going to be my pet!" Luke said happily.  
/NO WAY/ the chicken bellowed. /I WOULD RATHER GO TO JAIL/  
"Now, calm down," Luke counseled, "You can live with me and I will teach you all about the Force and..."  
Luke's voice trailed off into the distance as Han wrapped his arm around Leia (not in an affectionate way but to remain upright). Han adjusted his dentures and smiled at Leia. "All's well that ends well?" Han asked her sweetly.  
"Yeah, I guess, anyway, what do you think of having another kid?" Leia asked hopefully.  
Han's eyes went back in his head and he fainted.  
Chewie looked around and grumbled; /I think Luke made off with my newspaper! #$&#$/

**The End**

Jasmine Larson


End file.
